When Avery was nine years old, he came to our shelter with his Mom and baby sister.
When Avery was nine years old, he came to our shelter with his Mom and baby sister. They were fleeing the home where they lived with their abusive husband/father. Avery would often get so scared by the abuse he witnessed, and the instability in the home, that he nearly always fell asleep with his Mom each night. It was a safety blanket for both of them. Avery struggled a lot with age appropriate development and often felt it was safer to pretend to be younger because he would then maintain his Mom’s protection, love and safety.
Avery had a lot of complicated feelings coming to shelter. He loved his Dad and was desperate for his unconditional love and approval. Avery was also very scared of his Dad and never wanted to make him mad, especially when he was under the influence. His Dad had repeatedly hit his baby sister, after already abusing his Mom – this was the final straw for Avery’s Mom, and she decided to come to My Friend’s House. Avery wanted to take care of his family, especially his baby sister, but struggled to regulate his emotions and build healthy relationships, especially with his Mom, to whom he targeted a lot of learned behaviour.
As Avery settled into living in the shelter, it was very exciting for him to have such a fun, safe, and open space to be a kid. Avery built new relationships with the staff in shelter and loved to take care of his little sister and show her around. But Avery was really struggling to sleep, go to school, eat nutritious food, and regulate himself. He would often explode at changes in routine, and was incredibly attached to his belongings.
Throughout the course of Avery’s life, he had moved many times, and his extreme attachment to their belongings is a common response to a child feeling a lack of control. Avery worked closely with the Child and Youth Worker at My Friend’s House, Sophie. They met daily one-on-one, and she also worked on supporting his Mom with the family dynamic. Avery was able to identify a significant amount of fear and anxiety. He had very little self-worth and didn’t believe he deserved to be happy or loved. Avery and Sophie worked heavily on building his sense of self and learning to love himself. They looked at how to build secure relationships, how to trust his family members who have proven to be trustworthy to him and the people around him, through counselling and play therapy.
When Avery steps into a room full of new people, he remembers the negative comments his Father often said to him.
Avery has worked so hard to rebuild his sense of self-worth. Trying new things and joining new groups has been a massive challenge to overcome due to the self-doubt and fear of change in the back of his mind. When Avery steps into a room full of new people, he remembers the negative comments his Father often said to him, he remembers the lack of security that he’s felt for so long, and he struggles to put himself in another vulnerable position. But Avery has been taking big leaps in his new-found self-worth and sense of safety at the shelter to try new things, take new chances, and make lots of great friends.
Avery has joined new community programs, tried different camps (thanks to generous donors in the community), made lots of new friends, and is attending school regularly. He now dares to dream of big accomplishments for himself, loves to take on responsibilities, and cherishes the relationship he has with his Mom, his little sister and the staff at My Friend’s House.