She’d had a history of dating abusive or manipulative men and she desperately wanted this to be different.
Lauren had started to see some red flags with her partner, but wanted so badly for her relationship to work that she pushed forward and ignored them. You see, she’d had a history of dating abusive or manipulative men and she desperately wanted this to be different. They’d been together for four years, had a two-year old daughter together, and had recently become engaged.
Her partner had a problem with alcohol though, which made him quite aggressive when he was under the influence. Until recently, he had never been physically violent with her, but only emotionally abusive – often putting her down and saying degrading things to her, provoking nasty arguments which she tried to ignore.
As months passed and his alcohol abuse worsened, Lauren would often track him down to a local bar. With a family history of alcoholism, she was extremely worried about what would happen if this continued and chose strategic times to try and bring it up with him. One Friday, in the late afternoon, her partner was not answering his phone. Lauren had a scheduled shift as a waitress that night and he was supposed to be coming home to take over the parenting duties. She went down to the bar where she thought he might be, and found him intoxicated. She got him to leave with her, but when they arrived at home, she called in sick to her shift because there was no way she could leave him with their daughter.
That evening, he became very aggressive and angry towards Lauren. He was embarrassed that she had confronted him in public and kept telling her how worthless she was without him and that she couldn’t even survive if he wasn’t around. She tried to brush off his comments, and tell him to go to bed, but his anger worsened and he pushed her into the front door while holding their two-year old in his arms. Lauren is a small woman, and immediately fell to the floor. She was obviously very upset, but took their daughter up to bed, hoping he needed some time to cool down. Unfortunately, when she came downstairs, the violence continued and he proceeded to throw her to the floor, hitting her head against the coffee table and pushing his knee into her back.
Although Lauren now felt safe in her home, she needed support.
Lauren was able to escape and call 911. Her partner was arrested on the spot and charged with abuse – and a no-contact order was put in place. Although Lauren now felt safe in her home, she needed support.
A friend told her about My Friend’s House and the counselling they do on an outreach basis with women in the communities they serve. After processing for a week or so on her own, Lauren reached out. She has been able to see our Wellness Coordinator and Violence Against Women Therapeutic Counsellor weekly, which has allowed her to work on her own mental health, and process all that happened in her relationship. She’s also been able to have her daughter work with our Child & Youth Worker to make sure she is understanding what’s happening, now that Daddy is gone.
Lauren has been able to address her past relationships, the types of things she can now recognize as incompatibilities, and what she really wants in a partner. She has worked through a lot of the name-calling that had affected her self-confidence and she is feeling more optimistic about moving on thanks to the incredible empathy shown to her by the team at My Friend’s House.